new column: ask mr. chipotle

Dear Mr. Chipotle,

The other day I went for lunch with a prospective roommate and she asked for extra sour cream on her burrito.  What does this mean?  Should I live with this girl?

Signed,

Confused

Dear Confused,

The short answer to your question is “yes”: you should live with this girl.  The long answer is as follows:

The fact that your prospective roommate had the guts to ask for extra of any of the ingredients is a good sign.  For whatever reason, people tend to be abnormally passive in the Chipotle ordering line, almost as if they know it is a process that has been designed by a higher being and therefore would feel silly doing anything to interfere with it.  I once asked for extra sour cream myself and it was one of the scarier things I have ever done.  Before doing it I slammed a few shots of Makers just to get up the courage.

Now, the fact that out of all the ingredients your prospective roomate could’ve asked for more of she asked for sour cream is even more telling.  Sour cream, for all you Chipotle amateurs, is the most important ingredient in the burrito.  This may seem like a bold claim, so I’ll say it again: IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN THE BURRITO.  It is the yin to the salsa’s yang.  The mediator that keeps the rice from quarrelling with the beans.  I once took a first date to Chipotle and when we got to the end of the ordering line she asked for NO sour cream.  It was the first time I have ever considered hitting a girl.

To sum up, the fact that your prospective roommate enjoys sour cream tells me she has a refined palate.  It tells me she’s intelligent.  It tells me she has a visceral understanding of the words “synergy” and “cohesion.”  The fact that she asked for EXTRA sour cream tells me she’s brave.  It tells me she has courage.  I would use the word “spunky” here but it’s one of my least favorite words of all time.  Bottom line is this: If I was on Mount Everest and my expedition had to tether into teams of two to cross an icy crevasse, I would trust this girl with my life.

And trust is the most important quality in a roommate, right?

Sincerely,

Mr. Chipotle

This entry was written by admin, posted on March 6, 2009 at 3:23 pm, filed under Chipotle and tagged , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.