So many doubters. So very many, many doubters. Why do people doubt? What is there to doubt? That we’ll make to Prudhoe Bay? We’ll make it to Prudhoe Bay. There is no doubt in that. Even if we have to build a tire out of muskox horn and caribou hide, we will make it to Prudhoe Bay. And then on Friday we will make it back to Cooper Landing, drop the car off, tell everyone how epic we are, and go to work on Saturday. Piece of cake. Nothing to worry about. I’m not worried, so why would anyone else be? Exactly.
I still haven’t washed my hair, and I still haven’t been to Asia. I don’t know why, but this seems pertinent. Other than Australia and Antarctica (which obviously doesn’t count), I’ve been to every continent (though I’ve barely been to Africa; Morocco barely counts). I guess this is pertinent because tomorrow I and some friends will embark on a roadtrip that will bring us into the Arctic Circle, much further north than I have ever been to my life. Further north than the most northerly point in Iceland; as far north as the tops of Sweden and Norway. Fucking far north. And all of this is happening in a Ford Focus, with three other dudes. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend four-and-a-half days.
So nay-sayers, let me say this: You are wrong, but it doesn’t even matter that you are wrong. What matters is that you are nay-saying in the first place, that you are doubting four young dreamers, four young men who dared to drive the Haul Road and push it further than most Kenai Princess Lodge employees have ever wished to push it. Do you not dream nay-sayers, or are you content to live your mundane lives? Do you not want to see caribou? Sit naked atop a snorting muskox? You do not nay-sayers. All you want to do is squelch dreams. But ours is dream that can’t be squelched. Because we’re driving in a Ford Focus.
This entry was written by , posted on August 3, 2009 at 1:26 am, filed under Alaska and tagged brown town, coldfoot, cooper landing, deadhorse, party, prudhoe bay, road trip. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
OK. So here’s why I’m pissed right now. I’m pissed because I’m getting a roommate. Now, I know what you all are thinking: A roommate, that’s not that bad. There could be way worse shit, right? Well, sort of right, but mostly completely fucking wrong. You see, up until now, my time in Alaska has been completely care free. I’m free to sit on my bed in my boxers listening to music and dribbling All Bran crumbs down my chest while every once in a while I pound on the wall to tell the neighbors to “shut the fuck up.” I can even sit around naked if I want. If I wanted, I could lather myself up in peanut butter and jump between the two beds in my room, periodically stopping to squat between the two bed and grunt loudly. But now I can do none of that, because tomorrow I get a roommate.
His name is Cam, and I’ve already decided I hate him. That’s not completely true; I’ve already decided that he’s going to be a wild 19-year-old and I’m going to be constantly complaining at work how he kept me up the night before and how I never get any sleep anymore and he’s always drunk and I pine for the good ‘ol peanut butter days when I was rocking the B-1 dorm room solo, but I don’t think I’m going to hate him. They say that he’s respectful and always smiling and a really good guy, but also that he might have used to be a drug addict and definitely at one point attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings (This, of course, I can’t hold against him too hard, as I once had to see a “drug counselor” for an alcohol-related incident and have blacked out more times than a home Seahawks game). Hey, man, does anyone, like, wanna make a run down to AMPM with me? Sorry — sidetracked. Anyway, tonight is my last night of freedom, my last night without a roommate. I guess I should feel lucky. I guess I should be looking on the bright side and counting my blessings and thinking about how awesome it was to not have a roommate the first half of my time here in Alaska (I can’t believe it’s already half over). But I don’t always look on the bright side. This is not because I’m cynical — I’ve come to discover I’m one of the more optimistic people on the planet — but because for me it’s sometimes it’s fun to imagine disaster scenarios. Like Cam being a total alcoholic disaster and snorting lines off the vanity mirror in my room and passing out in the middle of the floor and getting up periodically in the night to scream at me.
But it’s not the end of the world. It never is. Almost never.
This entry was written by , posted on July 26, 2009 at 10:59 pm, filed under Alaska and tagged Alaska, brown town, cooper landing, kenai princess lodge, roommate blues, soldotna. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
Wake up, do calf raises, walk to work, eat breakfast, punch in, go the laundry room, do luggage, get room assignments, clean toilets, make beds, clean fireplaces, dust, vacuum, go on break, clean more toilets, eat lunch, suck a spider up in the vacuum, clean another fireplace, dust the deck, go on break, empty ash buckets, punch out, go to dinner, eat hickory-barbecue chicken thighs, eat salad, drink water, talk, laugh, get up, put plates in bussing trays, leave, walk to employee housing, do more calf raises, do pullups, talk, sit around, play pingpong, play horseshoes, slackline, hike, watch a movie, talk, sit around, drink beer, drink whiskey, talk, laugh, eat, snack, drink water, watch it get dark, swat away mosquitoes, talk, laugh, get up, go to bed.
This entry was written by , posted on June 29, 2009 at 7:59 pm, filed under Uncategorized and tagged brown town, cooper landing, employee housing, mount cecil rhode, mt. cecil rhode, party. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
The first way you’ll notice Trent’s drunk is that he staggers. It’s not a big stagger, but it’s definitely an, “I’ve been drinking whiskey — and lots of it” stagger. This happens at least every other night. The second way you’ll notice he’s drunk is that he becomes considerably more talkative. If the conversation turns towards the brewpub he wants to open one day where he brews his own beer and serves his own food, he’s probably drunk. The third way you’ll notice he’s drunk is if he passes out on a picnic table.
Someone passed out tonight, but that someone wasn’t Trent. That someone was a girl, and a small part of me seriously fears for her safety right now. This girl is not a light weight; she could go head-to-head in a drinking contest with a grizzly bear and hold her own. Especially if she and the grizzly bear were drinking whiskey. But tonight the whiskey got the better of her. She was bent over the dryer, and she was vomiting. It took a squadron of three ladies to wheel her up to her room, where she is now undoubtedly passed out, hopefully breathing, and most likely face down surrounded by a head of extremely disheveled hair.
And then there’s Tyler. Tyler was dancing up a storm. Tyler is always dancing up a storm. But today Michael Jackson died, so the storm was a category five tornado taking dead aim on a trailer park in the panhandle of Oklahoma. A week ago there was a dance party and Tyler danced for what must have been four straight hours. Shortly afterward he was seen sitting down abruptly into a plastic chair, which then broke under his weight and sent him tumbling down a hill. He did not remember the incident.
So this is a night in Brown Town. It’s not a typical night, but it’s not far off. In the lower rec people are playing ping pong and surfing Facebook. In the upper rec people are searching for movies on TV and slowly digging their ways through 18-packs of Natural Light. And down in downtown Brown Town…well, it’s always a party in Brown Town.
This entry was written by , posted on June 26, 2009 at 3:30 am, filed under Alaska, alcohol and tagged brown town, canadian mist, cecil rhode, cooper landing, kenai. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
Party:
Star, resident cutie.
Men.
If you’ll look closely you may notice reindeer sausage and Tillamook cheddar cheese on the left platter. Delicious.
Bocas del Toro or Skilak Lake? Chortle chortle chortle.
Wide-open spaces.
Bird.
Emptying into Skilak Lake.
Safety third.
The “combat fishing” zone, AKA elbow-to-elbow fishing, often in the presence of grizzly bears.
Brown Town.
This entry was written by , posted on June 17, 2009 at 8:22 pm, filed under Alaska and tagged Alaska, brown town, cooper landing, kenai river, russian river, seward, soldotna. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
This is the Kenai Princess Wilderness Lodge employee housing, or “Brown Town.” On the left we have the Lower Rec Room, home to foosball playing Mormons and frequent movie watchings. On the right we have the Upper Rec Room, home to binge drinking and filet ‘o fish. Behind the Upper Rec Room lies the Men’s Dorm, home to dirty boyz.
Beware: Once you move to Brown Town, you can never really leave.
This entry was written by , posted on at 8:05 pm, filed under Alaska and tagged brown bear, brown town, grizzly, kenai princess, party. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.