“Who here wants to sleep in the dragon’s mouth? Who here wants to feel? I’m going to repeat these two questions, and I would like you to raise your hand if your answer is ‘yes’ to either of them. OK, here we go. Now, who here wants to sleep in the dragon’s mouth?”
“You there, you have a question, or are you raising your hand to say ‘yes’?” (I knew this would be a fucking problem).
“Sir, what kind of dragon are we talking about? Do dragons even exist? Is it like a papier-mâché dragon? Will anyone see me sleeping in said dragon’s mouth?”
“These are all very valid questions. First of all, we’re not really sure whether it’s a real dragon. It looks like a dragon. It certainly looks like a very large reptile. Big enough for you to fit in its mouth anyway. It might be a distant relative of the komodo dragon. Anyway, it’s big enough for you to fit in its mouth. As for breathing fire, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I’ve never heard of any animal that can actually breathe fire. But these are all very valid questions. Thank you for asking.”
(No one raises their hand).
“So does that mean no one here wants to sleep in the dragon’s mouth?” (Still no hands).
“OK, next question: Who here wants to feel?” (Six semi-tentative hands go up, and one hand by a man who appears to be very enthusiastic).
“I want to fucking feel!”
“That’s great, that’s great. I’m glad you want to feel. I’m glad all of you want to feel. There will be plenty of time to feel later. You would probably feel better if you were sleeping in the dragon’s mouth, but we’ll worry about that later. Maybe you’ll change your minds about the dragon’s mouth. Like I’ve explained, it’s not even really a dragon.”
“But I want to fucking feel! I want to feel right now!” (Man stands up and starts shaking his head back and forth, convulsing slightly).
“Sir, you will feel later. That is not how you feel. Shaking your head back and forth is not how you feel.”
“I’ll sleep in the dragon’s mouth!” (Same man starts parading around the room, picking up chairs and then daintily dropping them. When he drops them he gets very still and holds his hand up to his ear, as if waiting to hear the sound of the chair when it hits the floor).
“I will sleep in the dragon’s mouth! I will sleep in the dragon’s mouth!”
This entry was written by , posted on January 10, 2010 at 11:41 pm, filed under Music, Song of the Day and tagged clues, good music, indie, indy, montreal, phoenix, remember severed head. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
Though a bit late, Neil Cameron’s recent submission has won the Wetzlerville 2009 “Post a Comment From the Most Exotic Location Possible” Contest Extravaganza. Apparently he’s in Scotland right now drinking “7 different types of single malt whiskey” and probably watching Rob Roy on DVD and playing with a sword. Merry Christmas Neil, you are a man among boys. We in America (’Merca) salute you.
-Wetzler
p.s. I’m not joking when I say that Nancy was semi lit last night. I’ve never heard anyone play “Away in a Manger” with such gusto.
This entry was written by , posted on December 25, 2008 at 10:08 pm, filed under Capitol Hill, Central America, Chipotle, Ravenna, Song of the Day, Uncategorized, master cleanse, the boot and tagged wetzlerville 2009. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
This guy knows what’s up.
Today on Where’s Wetzler? we’re going to try a little experiment. It’s called: “Who can post a comment from the most exotic location?” This experiment was inspired by Champ Walston, a Where’s Wetzler? reader who posted a comment the other day all the way from Germany (unless it was just one of my friends messing with me). Champ, you’re a…nevermind, you’re probably sick of hearing that one.
Anyway, I realize most of you are in the Seattle area and have to attend those things you’re always talking about, Jawbs (sp?) or whatever, so you can’t exactly fly to Bhutan and post a comment from your laptop on the edge of a cliff. But just because you’re in Seattle and possibly at work doesn’t mean you can’t get creative. Take your laptop into the bathroom. Take it into the mailroom. Post a comment from the bus. Post one while driving across the 520 bridge — I don’t know, like I said: get creative. Bonus points and features in the follow-up blog (with your permission, of course) will be given to those who also send me a picture of themselves submitting said comments (markw32@gmail.com). Also, this whole thing is being held on the honors system, so Barry, don’t post a comment from your basement in Ravenna and try to tell me you’re in Cabo sipping a piña colada next to a scantily-clad coed.
The winner of this contest gets a beer on me (Readers’ note: Winner responsible for transporting Wetzler to and from drinking location if located outside Seattle area).
Post your comments by five o’clock tomorrow for consideration. Good luck!
-Wetzler
This entry was written by , posted on December 23, 2008 at 1:42 pm, filed under Capitol Hill, Central America, Chipotle, Ravenna, Song of the Day, Uncategorized, master cleanse, the boot and tagged barry coed, bhutan, colada, where's wetzler experiment. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
Complacency makes for shitty blogging; Volatility and despair make for awesome blogging. Which is why I’m going to strip down naked and lie in the backyard until I get pneumonia or think of something rad to write about.
In other news, for those of you into Google Analytics, here is a screenshot of all the traffic Where’s Wetzler? has received since its inception:
Click for larger image
As you can see, the line starts off looking something like the plains of Eastern Montana before, thanks to The Stranger, spiking into a gorgeous peak which, if you squint just right, kind of resembles Mount Baker. It then drops dramatically into a fertile lowland not unlike that of the Skagit Valley, and if you look hard enough you can just make out a couple of tulip fields near La Connor. But do not despair, faithful reader: Shit is going to look like Nepal in a few months.
This I promise you.
-Wetzler
p.s. Instead of the whole naked thing (not to let you down), I’m actually going to sit back and relax, put on “For What it’s Worth” by Buffalo Springfield, and gaze at the snow falling on the hemlock outside my window. I strongly suggest you do the same.
This entry was written by , posted on December 18, 2008 at 2:11 pm, filed under Central America, Chipotle, Ravenna, Song of the Day, Uncategorized and tagged google analytics, la connor, mount baker, naked snow angel, skagit valley, the stranger, topography. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.
I’ve been reachin’ for material today, folks—reachin’! Thanks to Young Jibbs, though, I haven’t had to reach too far. The first twelve seconds of this song are my new favorite first twelve seconds in music.
Click to listen: Young Jibbs - Chain Hang Low Remix
Ahhhh, he samples that classic jingle like a kid samples gummi worms in the bulk candy aisle of the grocery store.
-Young Wetz
This entry was written by , posted on at 2:26 am, filed under Song of the Day and tagged bulk candy, chain hang low, entourage, gummi worms, sick, young jibbs. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.